Memoirs of a Fire Lady
by thefireladymel
Summary: Fire Lord Izumi find her mother's old memoirs. They reveal secrets & her most personal thoughts & feelings. A fanfic told mostly from the view points of Izumi and Mai, told with flashbacks and Izumi's own memories of her mother and father. The memoirs work as a Trojan horse into the life of Mai after the end of the One Hundred year old war. Rated M for language & adult themes.
1. Chapter 1: Izumi

Not shortly after her father's resignation, the new Fire Lord Izumi was facing the greatest task in her life, ruling the Fire Nation.

Her father, Zuko I, had led their country into peace after years and years of turmoil that had affected her family and her people in a century. She promised herself to keep the country out of war and led with diplomacy. She had learned of her father's predecessors, their mistakes and their strategies.

One day she found herself walking through the lavish corridors of the royal palace. She remembered how she used to run around and play dragons with her late brother, Izan. After them it was her own children who followed their footsteps. Izumi was followed by her guards as she walked and stopped by a door with elegantly crafted woodwork. She hadn't been inside that room for ages.

"Everything's alright your Highness?" one of the guards asked her.

"Oh, yes." Izumi said with a sigh. It was almost as a relief to see the door as if she had missed it. "Do you, perhaps, remember this room?" Izumi asked the older guard who was standing behind her.

"I certainly do… It was…Uhm..."

"My mother's." Izumi said with a smile. "Her special room."

"A war-room?" the younger guard said with a confused smile.

Izumi shot back with serious look at him. "No. All Fire Ladies are given a special room for their work. It belonged to my grandmother Ursa before my mother was given access to it. Before Fire Lady Ursa it belonged to Fire Lady Ilah."

"Your Highness, the room has been locked for decades."

"I think it's time to open it." Izumi said unfazed.

"But your highness." The older guard said with a stronger voice. "Fire Lord Zuko ordered it locked ever since…"

"My father is not in power anymore." Izumi reminded her guards. "Also, I believe that this room needs some dusting." Izumi smiled at them.

Soon after opening the door she dismissed her guards and wanted to be left alone. She used her bending to light up the room and she was greeted by the portrait of her mother. A flashback came to her when this room was full of life. Mother with her handmaidens and a much younger Izumi playing around. There was a desk and Izumi remembered how mother's secretary used to sit there writing down everything mother would dictate. Everything from birth documents, royal statements and death documents. She remembered mother's assistant who used to check the documents before they got the royal insignia stamped on them.

Mother however liked doing it her own way. She wasn't used to have people work for her and do things for her. That wasn't a part of her upbringing. Izumi inspected the old desk. It certainly needed some cleaning. Perhaps father had forgotten about it or maybe it was his way to forget.

Fire Lord Zuko had ordered the room to be sealed and shut since the passing of his wife. Nothing had been touched since then and the only person that was allowed inside was himself. Every year, around the passing of Fire Lady Mai he would lock himself inside the room. It was his way to mourn, his way to remember and honor her.

As Izumi was looking over the old documents with the royal insignia she found something of more interests.

"What's this?" Curiosity peaked, and she found bundles of old memoirs. They were handwritten and on the top left corner she found her mother's handwriting. Something warm and comforting filled her when she found her own mother's personal writings. She hadn't seen her mother's handwriting in ages. They were quite preserved, and her mother's perfume lingered on them still. She noticed that someone must have preserved them this way and it couldn't have been none other than her own father.

He must have read these several times. There could be hundreds, or thousands of passages written by mother. She looked at the time stamps. The memoirs dated back from her wedding to her coronation and ends with what Izumi presumed would be her passing.

Izumi felt conflicted, there was an urge inside of her to read what was her mother's most personal thoughts and feelings. Another strong feeling inside of her told her it was best to leave it in the past. A few minutes later she opened the first passage. The year was dated after the end of the hundred-year-old war.


	2. Chapter 2: Mai

_104 AG._

She looked at the sunset from the balcony. The contrasts of the colors mixing together gave out a shine over the mountains and clouds surrounding them.

"Orange is such an awful color." She mumbled.

She quickly reacted to the footsteps behind her.

"Who is it?" She said.

"It's just me." A familiar voice was heard.

She smiled seeing the face of which that voice belonged to. "Zuko. I didn't expect you."

"Well, we did expect you downstairs. I started to…I mean, uncle started to worry about you. We were drinking tea and playing pai sho with Aang and the rest. We thought you'd show up."

Mai gave him a look of adoration as he uttered those lines. "You can tell your uncle that I'm alright." She turned around and faced the sunset.

Zuko struggled with his words for a few seconds. "I would like you to join me for supper." He finally said.

"Is that an order my lord?" Mai turned around again to see him.

"Yes! I mean, no. If you want to." Zuko started to blush. He couldn't look at her directly in the eye.

"I want to." Mai said gave him half of a smile.

"Good. I'll see you downstairs."

"Zuko." Mai said almost demandingly. "Look at me."

He did what he was told. "What is it Mai?"

She looked him up and down. She wanted to see every detail of him. His robes, his hair, the royal insignia on his newly made clothes and also his face.

"You look so different." Is all she could say. She wanted to say more but she always had it difficult to express herself.

"Is that a good thing?" Zuko gave out a little laughter and took both her hands in his.

"It is." She freed one hand and gently touched his shoulder. "Your hair has gotten longer."

"I guess it's protocol when you're the Fire Lord. Do you like it?"

"I do. It really suits you." She wanted to touch his hair but decided not to. "So, supper was it?"

She had missed his presence around her but she didn't like to think too much about him. She hated having to worry about what was going on with him. His duties to their country, the hard work to put an end of the legacy of his father and ancestors. She noticed the stress was already getting to him.

By the time they got downstairs it was perfectly set. He had it arranged the supper to be for two people, long before he had asked her. Perhaps it was for Uncle Iroh but then again it couldn't be she thought.

Still holding her hand, he led her to sit right next to him. There was something about holding his hand that she missed. The warmth, the comfort and even how small her hands looked right next to his.

"I've missed you Mai." Zuko said and it startled her. "I've really missed you."

She looked into his golden eyes. He had the same sparkle in his eyes since their childhood. Beyond the scar, there was the same little boy who saved her from the Azula's taunting.

"You have?" She asked him carefully.

"Yes." He said. He moved his chair to face hers. He wanted to look right at her when he was talking to her. "I know I haven't always been good to you."

"Zuko…"

"I mean it. I really do."

Mai wouldn't let him finish his sentence. "No Zuko. I haven't been listening to you. I wish I did. I wish I could go back in time and have asked you the right questions." Mai said and pulled his hand closer to her lap.

"I don't blame you. We were kids back then. We were raised to believe what our leaders did in our nation's name was right. I couldn't have asked you to understand and how could you have possibly asked the 'right' questions." Zuko said and leaned closer to her. "It is all past us now."

"I guess you're right." Mai sighed with relief.

"With all of this said, Mai, I want to ask you something." His voice got serious as he now held Mai's hand with both of his. "Would you grant me the honor to become…"

A ruckus followed by a voice interrupted him.

"Nephew! I have brewed the most precious… Oh, I see you have a lady friend over."

"Uncle, we are in the middle of something." Zuko frowned and was very much annoyed at the timing of his Uncle Iroh. Mai couldn't help but to blush and smile. She quickly let go off Zuko's hand as his uncle came closer towards them. Mai couldn't face them and looked down at her shoes but the smile was there on her lips.

"I see, I see." Uncle Iroh said. "It's good to see you Mai." Uncle Iroh said and scooched over to Zuko's side. "Are we having roasted duck?" He asked when he saw the set table.

Zuko started to blush and was embarrassed at how this was going.

"It's good to see you too General." Mai raised her head to look at him with respect.

"Call me Uncle Iroh." He said with laughter and nudged at Zuko who looked like he wanted to drop dead.

"I should leave." Mai said and got up. Zuko grabbed her by the wrist gently, he didn't want her to leave just yet.

"Please, don't go just because of me. I wish for you to stay." Uncle Iroh said with a chuckle. "Have some tea." Iroh offered her. "What were you two talking about?"

Zuko glanced at Mai with gentle eyes. She sat down next to him.

"I don't know." Mai said. "Zuko wanted to ask me something."

Zuko started to bite his own lip as nervousness grew inside of him. "I… wanted to say."

"Wait!" Uncle Iroh burst out. "First I want Miss to taste this." He passed a cup of newly brewed tea to Mai.

She wasn't in the mood for tea this late but she couldn't say no to Uncle Iroh. She gratefully accepted the cup and took a sip.

"Thank you Gene-, Uncle Iroh. It's very good." She said and looked over to Zuko. He looked as if there was something wrong with her. "Don't you want a taste?"

Zuko thanked no. She knew he was bothered. Not by the presence of his uncle but by the timing. He wanted to get over with it and just say it but he was too nervous to say anything in front of Iroh. She knew every inch of his body and noticed his cheeks and ear getting red, a sign of him getting tense. How he held his fingers close to his mouth. It was kind of cute to see him like that.

Later that night she had excuse herself. After all she had to take care of Tom-Tom and make sure he got to his pre-school. After her parents' divorce, her mother remarried and joined a new family. Their stepfather didn't seem a bit interested in Mai or Tom-Tom and somehow gotten their mother Michi to yet again ignore her own children. Mai knew her mother loved them dearly but the comfort of her new husband came first.

As she was making her way out of the palace with her escort Zuko called her name out.

"I need to talk to you. In private." Zuko ordered the escort to leave them alone. "I wanted to ask you…"

"I know Zuko."

"You know? How?" Zuko asked confused.

"You aren't as discrete as you think." Mai said almost yawning. "I really need to get to Tom-Tom."

"How is that an answer?" Zuko was annoyed. "Let me get to the point."

"Yes."

He got down on his knee, holding her hands and looked directly at her. "Will you grant me the honor to become my Fire Lady?"

"I said yes, Zuko." Mai almost giggled but stopped herself. She started to blush when she saw Zuko's face light up with a smile.

He got up and cupped her face with his hands and placed a gentle kiss on her lips.

She responded to his touch and kiss for a few seconds. "I need to go. Get some sleep my lord, you look terrible" Mai pulled away from him. "I'll see you soon."


	3. Chapter 3: Mai alone

Mai had overslept on a chair right next to Tom-Tom's bed. She woke up to his voice which followed by a painful headache.

"Mai…?" The little boy called his sister out. "Where are you?"

"I'm right here baby." She got up and took him out of the bed. "You have gotten so big."

"Where are we going?" He asked and hold her tight.

"Your pre-school of course." Mai knew they were running late but didn't want to rush the already sleepy boy. She tied his hair in a knot and got him new clothes. The small apartment was given to them by her aunt after their father was sent to prison and their mother eloped with a perfect stranger. Mai didn't care much about it. She never visited her father and she didn't care much about her mother's new marriage. Perhaps her mother was truly happy now. She used to wonder if that was the case. Michi, her mother, had gotten married so young to a much older man, her father. It wasn't at all unusual for arranged marriages to take place back then. She was born to her 19-year old mother and her father must have been around his late thirties.

 _She must have been too young to understand love. She only cared for the riches that came to be married off to a Fire Nation noble and she wouldn't let anyone come between her husband's political career, even if it meant the well-being of her children. She loved us, I know of that, but I can't help to think it was the idea of the ideal family she was truly in love with it. The perfect and most loyal citizens of the Fire Nation. I still remember her voice echoing in my head whenever I spoke out of turn, voiced an opinion even if it was one of the most trivial of things. Or when Zuko was banished, I remember it being the most talked about subject at our family dinners. I couldn't stand the way they talked about him, father and his political friends. Celebrating their dear leader and his treatment of the prince. I couldn't stand it for one second. I stopped serving tea to those leering older men and said what had to be said. Zuko did nothing wrong._

 _Soon to learn that would be my teaching moment. Now it was I who had brought shame to my father, in his own home, in front of his so-called friends. Father was a former soldier and knew his only way of discipline. He excused us both and took me to his chambers. I expected him to say something to me, to warn me of this behavior and path I was going. It wasn't needed. His slap gave me the warning I deserved. I remember being on the floor with tears streaming from my eyes. The pain, it felt like needles sticking half my face, the ringing was unbearable, but I couldn't help to stop crying._

" _Dad…" I let out, still on the floor. "Dad…"_

" _Stop it. Stop it now." He demanded. "Stop crying. You are not a baby." His voice was harsh and unforgiving. "Don't give me a reason to really make you cry."_

 _I covered half of my face with my hand, too afraid to get up in his presence. I didn't dare to say another word to him, but I couldn't stop crying._

" _You will not bring dishonor to me in this house, MY house." He got even more upset when he saw I wouldn't stop crying._

" _I told you to stop crying!" He threatened to kick me if I didn't stop. "What is it mother and I always tell you? What is it we always remind you of?"_

 _At this point I was too scared to speak._

" _Answer me Mai!" He grabbed me by my arm and yanked me up on my two feet._

" _Not… Not to… Speak out of terms." I said with a lump in my throat, trying to hold back my tears. "Only speak… when… when…"_

" _When what?"_

" _When I'm spoken to."_

" _Good. You see I have given you anything you ever wanted. Everything. Is this how you repay me? Your own father?"_

" _I'm so sorry." I let out slowly. "I won't do it again."_

" _Very well. I expected more from you. A Fire Nation noble behaving like an Earth kingdom peasant, like a Water tribe wilding." He was very upset. I never wanted him to be upset with me. I used to think I loved him dearly and knowing his hatred for me was unthinkable, it drove me to hysterics almost._

" _Look at you made me do."_

" _I'm so sorry." I was about to cry again._

 _His glare was enough for me to stop. He ordered me to my room and when I didn't leave at the instant he shoved me out from the chambers and had be march to my room where I was left with no dinner._

 _I promised myself I was never going to give him the satisfaction to treat me like that ever again. Not even mother who had ignored my cries and didn't look after her beaten and hurt daughter. I looked around and I realized I had everything I ever wanted, the least I could do was to give them my silence. It was as beneficial for them as it was for me. I wouldn't speak, I wouldn't care. It helped me, and it did well for them. Or so I thought. I never cared about anything after that until Tom-Tom was born._

"Mai. Maaai." Tom-Tom tugged on her sleeve.

"Stop that." Mai ordered him. "Go brush your teeth." Mai followed the little boy to the bathroom.

Tom-Tom wouldn't stop tugging on her sleeve after numerous times of telling him to stop that. Reckless as it was she pulled away from the boy and with a thud, Tom-Tom fell on his bottom.

"Ow…Ow…" He let out. He had cut himself on one of Mai's shuriken's that was hidden under her sleeve.

"I'm so sorry Tom-Tom." Mai said as she noticed his bleeding hand and the tear in her sleeve. She hugged him, kissed his little fingers and cleaned his middle and index finger from blood.

"I don't want to go." He said and buried himself in her chest.

"You have to." Mai said and had him sit on her lap. "I have much to do, I can't stay with you."

"But I want to be with you." Tom-Tom said, his arms were around her neck, unwilling to let go off her.

"We don't always get what we want." Mai said and kissed his small cheeks. "That's just life."

"I hate it." Tom-Tom sulked and laid his head on her shoulder.

Mai let out a chuckle. "You're too young for that, kid. Wait until you've reached my age."

"Then I will really hate life." Tom-Tom said as they got up to brush their teeth. Mai rolled her eyes at her little brother's remarks. He was hitting to close to h

"Life is funny." Mai said and helped him to brush his teeth as soon as she was done with hers. "It can drag you around, kick you in the face and truth be told, it could kill you if you aren't careful enough."

Tom-Tom was listening to his older sister as she was bandaging his fingers.

"It's all about your attitude. Life has its way to bring the happiest and the strongest down." Mai continued. "Now flush."

"But you're the strongest person I know." He said as soon he was done. "You don't care because you'll fight it anyway!" The little boy said with pride about his big sister.

Mai laughed and hugged him tightly. "What I'm trying to say is that life can do that to anyone. You're too young but when life comes at you fast just give it your best shot. Even if it drags you through hell, give it your best anyway." Mai said as they were about to leave their home. "And for Spirit's sake, don't become like me when you grow up."

"Why not?" Tom-Tom asked her.

"Just be better. Do you want this fruit tart?" Mai asked him as they were heading out. "You haven't had your breakfast."

"I'm not hungry."

"Suit yourself." Mai said and took a bite. As they made their way through the busy capital Mai thought about the years before her parents' separation, the end of the war and hers and Tom-Tom's lives. She promised herself to do right by Tom-Tom. He deserved it. His life had changed drastically, and he was only 5 years old.

"When are we going to see mom?" Tom-Tom asked.

"I don't know."

"Where's dad?"

"On vacation." She lied.

"I'm hungry."

"Why didn't you eat the fruit tart?" Mai was getting annoyed but tried to hide it from her brother.

"I don't like them."

Mai let out a small groan as she led her little brother threw the busy streets of the capital. She was trying her best not to let her own frustrations out on him, but he had his special way to get to her.

"I hate walking." Tom-Tom let out and it was the final drop for her.

"I don't care!" Mai let out. She took one calming breathe. "Look, now. We are here now. I'm sorry I yelled at you." She got to her knees to embrace him. "Be good, kid."

"I will. Sorry if I'm annoying." Tom-Tom looked down on his small shoes.

Mai's heart was breaking for him. Life hasn't been easy for them lately since the years of the war. Their family had been staunch supporters of Ozai and since his fall their family had been struggling. Well, struggling didn't suit everyone. Father had gotten sent to prison, still, he had a roof over his head and somewhat edible food to eat. Mai didn't think often about him. He had gotten what he deserved. Mother however, hers was different. She remarried, a man whom was age appropriate for her. He was tall, with a perfect trimmed beard and conservative. They had never held a conversation together. He seemed to change around mother when Mai and Tom-Tom were visiting. He suddenly became aloof, reserved and didn't show the slightest of interest to his new step-children. Mai didn't care. She was after all what her friends would say stoic. If her step-father didn't speak to her, not a hello or how has your day been it wouldn't hurt. She had managed to live her whole life without people asking how her day had been and she had turned out fine, in her opinion. It was Tom-Tom that was really hurting. He often asked about their parents. He missed mother the most, at least he saw her time to time, but he really needed a father in his life. There's were their step-father should have stepped in. He wouldn't make any contact with Tom-Tom. Their mother Michi would have to remind her new husband that Tom-Tom was trying to talk to him.

" _Look at my drawing!" Tom-Tom's face lighted up with a smile._

 _Nothing, no reaction._

" _I made it for you." Tom-Tom tried again._

 _Nothing._

" _Darling, Tom-Tom is trying to show you something." Michi said._

" _Huh? Uh, nice drawing." That was the only thing he said, and he went on doing his thing._

Mai remembered it well. She hated seeing how Tom-Tom was being treated. Their step-father's silence wasn't the only thing he used to make them feel like nothing. When he didn't talk to Mai or acknowledged her feelings or emotions, he made sure he knew how he felt about her.

 _The dinner table made room for interesting conversations and out of his own boredom, step-father decided he wanted to blossom, verbally._

" _So." He started saying and sip some wine. "What is that little game you do?" He asked me, quite mockingly._

 _I didn't feel like answering him but the nudge from mother came as a warning of what would happen if they didn't speak to him._

" _It's not exactly a game…"_

 _He wouldn't let me finish. "You throw knives at a target and hope you hit?"_

" _Not just knives. Shuriken, stilettos, arrows…"_

" _Basically, you throw darts. That sounds very much like a game to me." He fixed his napkin and smiled a perverted smile. He was set on humiliate and mock everything related to me._

" _If you say so." I said and looked over to Tom-Tom who was too busy with finishing his plate._

" _I do actually." He wouldn't let go. "I'm right also. Throwing darts is nothing. Anyone can do that." He continued and looked directly at me. "What do you do besides throwing darts and look depressed?"_

" _She has gotten a job at aunt Mura's." Mother said with an innocent smile. She was too blinded by the riches surrounding her to notice her husband's treatment of her children._

" _Good. A real job but not that would amount to anything, yet it is better to tend to flowers than tending to that boy we now call Fire Lord."_

" _I think he is doing a fine job. He is new to it, but he hasn't failed yet." Mother said._

" _A fine job? Letting a glorious nation to go to waste? Not that your daughter would have anything against it."_

 _At this point I wanted to get up, say what was on my mind and leave but something compelled me to not doing so._

" _Oh, darling. Mai has grown out of that."_

" _Are you going to grow from that terrible makeup and hair too?" He blurted out with a grin towards me. "No, no. I'm only joking. At least we can make jokes."_

 _I said yet nothing. It was obvious he had too much of drink._

" _It's not that we don't have personalities." He continued, trying to trigger something out of me._

 _Not a single word was said by mother who didn't want to upset her drunken husband._

" _Don't I, your new father, deserve your words?"_

 _I looked up at him. "I think you've had enough."_

 _He started to chuckle. "Maybe I've had enough of your attitude."_

 _Again, I decided not to say anything but to excuse myself from the table. Mother looked disappointed, not with her husband but with me. As I was making my way out of the room. He grabbed me by the wrist._

" _Don't think so highly of yourself. When you act as nothing you'll be treated as such." He said and let me go as if I was dirt he had just touched._

Mai had no interest in re-connecting with her step-father and she had no desire to go to his house but sometimes mother would send invitations and she would only go for the sake of Tom-Tom. He was the most important thing on her mind.

His voice made her come down to earth.

"You are not annoying." She answered the boy after apologizing for his behavior. "You are so amazing in so many ways. Promise me to be good today. Promise me you'll always be good. Study well and one day perhaps you can see all the four nations." She said and kissed both of his cheeks.

"I'll be good. Like you Mai!"

"Be better." She smiled at his face with those rosy cheeks. "Also, if your teacher asks what happened to your hand…Uh, tell them you fell on sharp rocks."

She waved him off and watched him skip his way to pre-school. Her heart, some people would say it was dark and cold, was warming. She really loved her brother. She rarely cared about people and the few people she cared about were Tom-Tom, Zuko and Ty-Lee.

Suddenly a familiar voice was heard calling out her name.

"Mai! There you are."

Mai turned around to see the face of her longtime friend, Ty-Lee.

"Ty-Lee? What are you doing here?" Mai was surprised to see her.

Ty-Lee embraced her friend with hug. "Oh, Mai. You have the softest of soft clothes."

"Uhm… thanks. Ty-Lee…"

"Yes?" Ty-Lee kept snuggling up to her friend.

"The hugging… I'm still not used to it."

"Oh, but you have gotten so better!" Ty-Lee was happy to see her friend again and so was Mai, but she wasn't as hands on as Ty-Lee.

"Did the Kyoshi warriors disband?" Mai asked her as they went for a walk.

"No. I think you can say we're on vacation." Ty-Lee had the biggest grin on her face, as if she was sitting on a great secret she desperately wanted to tell Mai.

"What is it?" Mai looked at her with a concerned look.

"Just some great news." Ty-Lee said. "Let me tell you over a cup of tea."

"Sounds great." Mai said as they headed towards a teashop.

"What did you want to tell me?" Mai asked as they were seated with their teacups.

Ty-Lee looked as if she was about to explode. She really had something great to say, at least, according to herself.

"Are you ready?" Ty-Lee winked at her.

Mai shrugged. "I guess?"

"Are you?" Ty-Lee was teasing.

"Just spit it out."

"Suki has gotten engaged!" Ty-Lee almost yelled out. "Sokka made her one of those betrothal necklaces they have in the Water tribes and Oh! It was just fabulous, not the necklace, it wasn't that well made but everything else! It was beautiful!" Ty-Lee spoke with gusto and Mai could tell she was very happy for her friends.

The talk of engagements was a soft spot for Mai. She kept a half smile as Ty-Lee spoke, but she also had something to say.

"And what about you? Any news from you? I am so happy to be visiting home. The nation seems to do so much better now that Zuko is in charge." Ty-Lee said.

"Uh, yeah, Zuko is doing very well."

"I wonder how he is. It's been a long time since I saw him."

"Zuko is doing very well." Mai repeated herself.

"Really? Can't we visit him? I wonder if the palace has changed since we were kids. Have you seen it? Is it still red and… fire-y?" Ty-Lee asked so many questions Mai didn't know which one to answer.

"Look, Ty-Lee. I have something to say. You'll be the first one to hear this."

"What is it Mai? You can tell me anything you know that right? You're my best friend!" Ty-Lee was happy to see Mai again. She reached out and took her hand. "Anything."

Mai sighed and said; "Zuko… He…"

"He did what? Did you two break up again? Do you want me to paralyze him?"

"No." Mai said. "There's no easy way to say this but he asked for my hand."

"Your hand? What does he want to do with your hand? Ugh, what a naughty boy. They are all the same!" Ty-Lee said.

"My hand in… marriage." Mai finally said.

Ty-Lee looked shocked, but a big smile crept on her face. Mai was afraid she would scream or do something very drastic at any second.


	4. Izumi Remembers

**Present day.**

Izumi smiled reading the memoirs of her mother. She remembered her aunt Ty-Lee very well and had fond memories of her. She looked over some pages that her mother had written and felt a child-like comfort. There really was something about seeing her mother's handwriting again. The pages, the documents and just everything that she found in the drawers still had her scent. Izumi remembered the warm hugs from her mother and how she used to bury her face in her hair. She really missed that. Even as a grown woman she missed the embraces of her mother. She knew she wasn't one for hugging or long embraces but when she did give hugs it was the best of hugs. Izumi felt compelled to keep reading but she was still unsure if she should keep going.

"Somethings are better to be left unknown." Izumi said to herself. She looked further down her mother's drawers and found old portraits. One of Izumi has a newborn and another with her and her brother, Izan. "I guess she never got over what happened." Izumi said and studied the portrait of her and her baby brother.

 _I wish she could have talked more openly to us. Instead of bottling all her emotions in. I wish to know what you used to think of things. I wish you told me more about your childhood. Your side of the family. I wish you talked to me more. I had so many questions and you took your answers to the grave._

"Oh, mother." Izumi sighed and let her fingers explore the portraits. She laid down the portrait of her and her brother when she noticed another portrait. The first official portrait of mother as Fire Lady. She studied this portrait as well. She positioned her glasses, so she could notice every detail. Her fingers ran through this one as well and stayed right under her eyes. There was a certain sadness to her eyes. She looked beautiful, but her eyes focused on something. If only Izumi knew.

"I miss you so much." Izumi started to talk to the portrait. She must have been awfully young when she wed father. "I wish you could be among us. Among your grandchildren, me and father. Oh Agni, I have so much to say to you. So many questions to ask." Izumi felt her eyes get teary. She knew the memoirs and journals were the closest of things she had to get to know her mother better.

"I know now of your and uncle Tom-Tom's family because of your writings. Was it too difficult to talk about when I asked you about your mother and father? Were you too proud to admit you were neglected and abused? Ignored and had your thoughts and feelings belittled and shut down?" Izumi kept talking to the portrait. "You were always too proud to admit it. I remember it well. You always got frustrated and wanted to be left alone when someone mentioned your family. I learned quickly it was a taboo subject for you." Izumi grew frustrated as she kept talking to the portrait. "What made you think your issues were not important? It was important for me to know. I wish I could have helped you, but you never let me. You never let anyone help you. You were too arrogant and stubborn…"

"Mother?"

Izumi turned around and saw her son's face. He looked concerned and worried for her.

"Iroh?" She quickly put down the portrait in the drawer and shut it. "What are you doing here?"

"I was looking for you but couldn't find you anywhere." He walked into the room with both of his hands around his back. He bowed to her as she got closer. "Are you alright? Who were you talking to?"

"Nothing. Nothing important."

"Tell me. This room looks familiar."

"It's the Fire Lady's special room. Your grandmother's. This was her room, her work room." Izumi said, still sitting down in front of the desk. "Sit down."

Iroh did as he was told. "I remember now." He sat down on the edge of the bed. "She used to let me in here when I was really young."

"She rarely let anyone inside." Izumi smiled. She remembered it well when little Iroh II walked in and out of this room as if it belonged to himself. "I used to be in this room very often."

"She must have been a hard worker." Iroh chuckled and made gestures to the bed. "I imagine she could work herself to sleep."

"Actually." Izumi started. "She had that bed installed whenever she didn't want to sleep next to your grandfather."

Iroh's chuckle quickly died out. "Did they have a lot of problems with each other?"

"Not out of the ordinary. They were just like any other married couple. The loved hard and fought hard too." Izumi kept remembering. "Oh, no don't think it ever got physical. Mother would never allow a man to put his hands on her and your grandfather, well, he loved her ferociously. He adored her."

Iroh smiled at the information. "That makes me very happy." Iroh laid down on the bed. "I remember whenever we had arguments I would always run to her and she let me in and cuddled me."

"She was always on your side." Izumi laughed. "She spoiled you and your sister rotten."

"She always told me to be good to her. She said, 'be good to your sister because there will never be another so close to you' and I would just act nonchalant and just agree with everything she said so I could go back to terrorize her again." Iroh laughed at the sweet memories. "She shared fruit tarts with us and I got my first knife from her. The greatest birthday presents ever."

"I don't know about the knife." Izumi said. She didn't think it was appropriate for a 10-year-old boy to have a knife, but her mother was adamant he should have it. "She loved you and your sister so much." Izumi smiled tearfully. "She would have been so proud to see what you have accomplished."

Iroh's half smile was comparable to his grandmother's. He looked up and saw a portrait of her next to the window. "You were talking to her, weren't you?" He asked and looked over to his mother, his arms were positioned as a pillow as he made himself comfortable on the bed.

"Yes." Izumi replied reluctantly. "I miss her very much."

"We all do." Iroh said and sighed. "I remember when grandfather abdicated. It was for her."

"Your memory is impeccable."

Iroh grinned. "She died too young." Iroh continued. "If you don't want to talk about it I'll stop."

"It's alright." Izumi said and looked at the papers and then back at Iroh. "How is your sister doing?"

"She's in Republic City, probably causing mayhem."

Izumi laughed at the thought of her daughter. "She has the looks of your grandmother but none of her nature."

"She's like dad." Iroh mumbled. "She could cause chaos in the palace, but grandmother always gave her a free pass. I never understood why."

"One day you'll know why. The same why my mother stood by you when you were causing trouble."

 _Iroh had knocked down an antique vase while running through the halls of the palace. Scared of the repercussions, he didn't dare to speak up until I said something._

" _What is the meaning of this?" I called out and grabbed his hand._

 _He didn't dare to look at me._

" _I'm speaking to you." I said in the calmest way possible. I really didn't want to get upset with him._

" _It wasn't me." He mumbled under his breath._

" _Well then who was it?"_

" _I don't know…"_

" _Iroh! I haven't got time for this…" I sighed and rubbed forehead in. "Should I have to tell and apologize to grandma again? This is not the first time this happens."_

" _NO!" Iroh started to whine. "Don't tell her!"_

" _Tell me what exactly?" The Fire Lady's refined voice was heard as she approached followed by two servants._

" _Mother." I said and bowed to her. I pulled on Iroh to do the same._

" _Would you two stop doing that? I never liked that treatment, especially from my daughter and grandson." Fire Lady Mai said. "What happened here?" She looked over at the broken vase._

" _There had been an accident…" I started._

" _An accident?" Mother raised her eyebrow. "What kind of accident?"_

 _Iroh gave in. He got down on his feet and begged for forgiveness._

" _I'm so sorry grandma. I didn't mean to destroy your vase. I was just playing around… I…"_

 _Mother started to laugh._

" _Why are you laughing, mom?" I asked confused._

" _That vase? Was the ugliest in the whole palace." She said. "I never wanted it."_

 _Iroh's little face shined bright with a smile. "You're not upset with me?"_

" _How in the world could I be? That vase was put there by Fire Lady Ilah and I never wanted it. I guess we could say it was faith." Mai smiled at the little boy who got up to hug her._

" _But mother… He needs to learn to be careful. It was still an antique." I said._

" _Accident happens. Should I remind you about the time you put my curtains on fire? Do you know how difficult it was for a non-bender to put that out?"_

"She was the greatest influence in my life." The now much older Iroh said with a smile as he remembered her.

"Not only for you." Izumi said and looked over at the portraits once again.

Iroh got up from the bed and straightened out his uniform. "It's time for me to leave now. One day we are going to have to look through those family portraits together." He pointed at the portraits his mother tried to hide.

"You, me and your sister." Izumi said.

"And grandfather?"

"I don't think he is quite ready for that yet."

"I wonder what grandmother would say if she knew you were reading her diary." Iroh grinned.

Izumi just waved him goodbye. People knew Iroh as the serious and honorable General Iroh of the United Forces but at home he was the same tease with a devilish smile. She looked his way as he was leaving. Looking at him was like seeing her parents again. As much as she saw her mother in him she even saw her father. As if their qualities and facial features had fused and made the most perfect boy, her son.

She felt the same way about her daughter. They were a part of a greater legacy and she wondered if they realized that. Iroh perhaps now more than ever but her daughter was still in her happy-go-lucky world. She was young and wanted to enjoy her life before she was going to be tied down to the role of being a royal princess of the Fire Nation. Izumi could understand that. She hoped that the teachings and lessons from her own parents were going to help her to guide her own children.

Later on, Izumi gave in to another chapter of her mother's life.


	5. Mai: A New Beginning

_**Mai.**_

" Do you love him?" Ty Lee asked her friend.

"Of course, I do."

"Then what is the problem?" Ty Lee called out in frustration. "Sokka loves Suki. Aang loves Katara and vice versa but what is your problem?"

"I don't have a problem." Mai got defensive.

"That guy is crazy about you! He loves you so much he can't even think straight. Remember when he locked you up in that cell?"

"Spirits Ty Lee, I do not wish to talk about it." Mai got visibly uncomfortable.

"He can't stand anything happening to you." Ty Lee spoke with such empathy and gusto. "He… He loves you so much. He wants to protect you. D-did you say yes?"

Mai started to blush and played with her sleeve. She mumbled something under her breath.

Ty Lee started to look frustrated. "What did you say?"

"I said yes." Mai said in a quiet voice.

Ty-Lee came at Mai like a lion and grabbed her by the clothes and shook her. This act even surprised Mai, she had never seen Ty Lee this worked up before.

"You… said yes and now you want to take it back?!"

"Ty Lee… Calm down, you're making a scene." Mai said and looked at their surroundings.

"I'm making a scene? YOU! Are destroying his poor little heart. How can you be so insensitive?"

"Well, we would be even." Mai thought back. "Let me go."

"Why would you say yes?!" Ty Lee held on to Mai tighter.

"I'm…Just a bit unsure… Let me go before I stab you." Mai growled at her quietly.

"N'aw. Just like old times." Ty Lee said and gave Mai a kiss on the nose before she let go off her. "But I still don't understand."

Mai sighed and rolled her eyes. "What is it you don't understand?"

"He asks you to marry him, you say yes but now you're telling me you're getting cold feet? Nothing is making sense and I do sense this off balance…"

"Ty Lee!" Mai had enough. "I can't help to feel what I feel."

"If you only put more effort in working with your aura…Oh sorry. You don't believe that."

"Actually, my aura is a lovely shade of charcoal." Mai winked as she took her last sip from the teacup.

"I have missed the dark, stoic and pessimistic Mai but what I love is that you really do believe in auras." Ty Lee teased her and gave her a little poke.

"Don't get too cheerful." Mai said. She really was happy to see Ty Lee again. Perhaps she would hate to admit this, but she had missed Ty Lee's outgoing persona.

Her thoughts went to Zuko, how was he doing, and should she reach out to him or not. She loved him deeply and couldn't stand anything bad to happen to him.

"What are you so worried about?" Ty Lee asked innocently.

"Tom-Tom. He needs me."

Was it too selfish to marry Zuko and leave Tom-Tom behind?

"Do you think if you marry Zuko you're basically abandoning Tom-Tom?" Ty Lee asked her.

Mai answered with silence and Ty-Lee understood.

"I think." Ty Lee said carefully. She didn't want to mix up her words or use them wrong to upset Mai. "I think if you married Zuko, you'd be happy but also you could give Tom-Tom a better life."

Mai didn't say anything, but she was listening, and Ty Lee knew that she had Mai's attention.

"You have your mom and aunt, right?"

"Yes, but that jerk of a husband she has wouldn't let Tom-Tom in their house." Mai said and played with a lock of her hair.

There was something that bothered her with her mother. She didn't hate her, nor did she love her, but she hated to think that she was indifferent towards her.

 _As I was crying in silence in my room after the ordeal with my father I heard footsteps getting closer to my door. The door opened, and I carefully raised my head to see no one else but mother._

 _I always thought she was beautiful but with a harsh exterior. Regal like a cruel mistress and elegant as birds of prey but far less deadly._

" _Mai…" She said and sat down next to me. "Don't worry about it." She petted my hair and smiled._

 _It was torment just having to look at her smiling._

" _I said I was sorry." I raised my voice and quickly regretted doing so._

 _She raised one eyebrow and said, "I'll talk to him later, but I won't tolerate that behavior again."_

 _Was she talking about me or father? I suspected it was about me._

" _Sometimes your father gets a bit carried away." She said. "We have to keep this in mind, especially you and me."_

 _In that moment I realized, and I would never forget, he had beaten her too._

" _It's not to excuse him, Mai, he probably has had too much to drink. Remember what I'm trying to say." She reached for my chin with a gentle touch. "Never disrespect your father like that ever again. He loves you so much. We both love you so much."_

 _I said nothing like she expected me to._

" _Everything we have in this house. Everything you have is because of that man." Her voice got even more serious. "You would be nothing without him. I would be nothing without him. Say that now."_

 _With a bit hesitation I said, "W-We would be nothing without him."_

" _Exactly. Go to sleep now. Be good Mai." She said and before she closed the door she wanted to remind me, "Be a good Fire Nation girl and never bring disrespect and dishonor to this home ever again. Goodnight darling." And she closed the door._

"Mai? Mai are you dozing off?" Ty Lee called her out.

Mai woke up from her daydreaming. "I'm fine."

"What do you think?"

"I want Tom-Tom to have a better life."

Ty Lee jumped out of her chair. "That settles it!"

Mai looked at her in confusion. "Settles what?"

"Do I have to explain everything to you?" Ty Lee sighed but happily went off explaining. "You love Zuko, you'll be Fire Lady and you'll give Tom-Tom a better life and home… IN A PALACE!" Ty Lee shouted out.

"Be quiet for once." Mai said and felt people's eyes on them.

"Oh, wouldn't it be wonderful? You as Fire Lady? I can imagine the portraits of you already! You would look so beautiful, but you would have to do something with those buns…"

"What's wrong with my buns?" Mai got defensive and annoyed with Ty Lee.

"Nothing but the royal family have a one bun only policy." Ty Lee said and looked excited for Mai.

"Look at you, knowing everything about the royal family." Mai gave her friend a little smile. "Maybe you should become a Fire Lady?"

"Oh no. I can't give up on the Kyoshi warriors, but I do love my princes and princesses! Speaking of princesses, any news on Azula?"

The name brought silence between the two. They hadn't seen nor talked to Azula since the end of the war.

"Have you visited her?" Ty Lee broke the ice.

"No. I don't think she would want to see me." Mai said. She started to sound upset just by thinking of Azula. She never forgot what happened between them and a part of her felt bad yet justified and Azula was her friend or used to be.

"What would I say to her?" Mai said. "Hey remember me? The 'loyal' friend you thought you had? Remember when we tried to end each other's lives at the Boiling Rock?" Mai got even more upset as she spoke.

"I miss the old times. Remember when we used to be little kids?"

"Yes, I remember it well. How you and Azula would mock and prank me for my feelings for Zuko." Mai smiled at the memories. Those were some of the few memories of her childhood she could look back at with a smile.

"I miss those times. Long before the knowledge of war and Fire Nation supremacy plagued our minds. We were just kids enjoying kid stuff."

Mai rarely thought about Azula, but the mention of her name made her feel a bit at unease. What would happen if they would be granted a meeting.

As they were reminiscing their childhood memories with Azula, in came Fire Nation officers into the teashop with their robust uniforms.

"Are you Mai?" One of them said with a demanding voice as they walked up to them.

"Yes." Mai said, unfazed by them.

"Mai, what have you done?" Ty Lee whispered. "Did you do something with your knives again?"

"Ma'am we have direct orders. You have to come with us."

Ty Lee looked at Mai with worried looks but it occurred to her it could be a game on Zuko's part.

"Oh Mai, what have you gotten yourself into?" Ty Lee grinned at Mai.

"I haven't done anything." Mai whispered to her but went along with the men.

Ty Lee waved her friend goodbye as she was escorted away.

Mai knew this was the work of Zuko, only he could think of this as being somewhat romantic. She was still worried about seeing Zuko, was she going to tell him about having cold feet? She didn't want to say the wrong things because she loved him dearly and last thing she wanted was to make him upset.

One of the men escorted her into an official royal carriage. This was the doing of Zuko she thought. She couldn't help but to smile to herself. She wondered what else he had in mind for today.

When they came to the palace, she saw Zuko on top of the stairs, above the gates. She thought he was so handsome in his royal attire and when he used to wear the uniform.

Zuko's serious facial expression changed when he saw Mai. He didn't know if he should go up to her and help her get out from the carriage, but he knew Mai wasn't that kind of girl.

"Mai!" His face lighted up when he saw her. "I've missed you."

Mai blushed when she saw his face. "Really? Its only been a day."

"A day too much." Zuko took her by the hand and pulled her close to him. "You look beautiful."

Mai looked lovingly in to his eyes, forgetting the words to what she was about to say. After all they had gone through together he still had that boyish charm from when they were kids.

"You don't look that bad yourself." She hated herself for saying that. Could she never find the right words?

Zuko laughed it off. "Did you get here safe?" Still holding her hand as they walked through the corridors.

"I wasn't expecting to be arrested in front of people." Mai smirked as she followed Zuko wherever he led her.

"I thought it would be romantic." Zuko said and took her to a balcony that faced the imperial courtyard. There he had arranged a small table full of sweets, tea and they were seated right next to each other.

"I need to talk to you… about us."

"Yes?" Mai said, she didn't know if it was good or bad.

"I needed to see you immediately because I have a very important thing to tell you." His face was full of excitement.

"Which explains why you couldn't write a letter today?" Mai smiled and caressed his hand with her fingers.

Zuko chuckled lightly. "I sent my uncle and mom away to your mom's house."

"Why in the world would you do that?" Mai thought of the meeting between Ursa and Michi, she could never had imagined those two women together in a room. She felt a bit embarrassed, she had great respect for General Iroh and Lady Ursa. How would they be treated in her step-father's house? An old Ozai supporter.

"They are there to officially ask your parents permission for our marriage." Zuko said with a big smile. It was heartwarming to see him smile like that. The happiest and most innocent of smiles.

"Oh, Zuko." Mai said, kissed his soft lips and caressed his cheek. She carefully placed her thumb on his scar. She remembered when they were kids, before he was banished but after the Agni Kai against Ozai.

 _His frustration and anger grew with the flames of the candles surrounding him in his room._

" _Go away!" He roared with his back against the door._

" _It's just me." I said calmly._

" _Oh, what do you want?" Still angry but calmer when he recognized my voice._

" _I wanted to see you."_

 _He didn't say anything. He did make any movements, but he also didn't tell me to go away._

" _I know what is going on. I wanted to see you before you leave." I took a few steps towards him. He was sitting in a bed, still with his back against me._

" _You don't want to see this." He said._

" _Yes, I do."_

" _Why do you suddenly care?" Zuko's voice trembled with frustration and rage. "You don't care about anything…"_

" _That's not true. I care about you." I said, now my voice was shaking._

 _Zuko fell silent again. "I'm sorry." He said after a few seconds of aggravating silence. "I don't want you to see me like this. I don't look like myself."_

" _You'll always be Zuko to me."_

 _He turned around and I saw his face. Half of it was gone by the bandaging. It didn't seem to matter to me. He was still that boy who saved her from the burning apple._

" _You'll get into trouble if your parents found out you're here." He said._

" _Who's going to tell them?" I replied and sat down next to him._

 _For a second, I thought he was about to smile, perhaps he tried to smile or suppressed it._

" _I'm the greatest humiliation of this country." Zuko said, his voice full of anguish and torment._

" _I don't think so. I think you were brave to speak up for our soldiers."_

" _What do you know of bravery? You're just a girl."_

" _I'm sorry."_

" _No. Don't be." Zuko was full of regret._

" _Does it hurt?"_

" _When I sleep on it wrong."_

" _Can I… Can I see it?" I asked. I was afraid to ask but let it slip anyway._

" _It's disgusting." He said, still not fully facing me._

" _I don't care."_

 _He sighed and took off the bandages. The scar looked like a flesh wound, his eye was no longer fully visible, but it was still there, almost closed._

" _So? Isn't it disgusting?"_

" _No." I said. "Can I touch it?"_

" _Rather not." He said but changed his mind, he was already in excruciating pain and wanted me to be careful._

 _I put my hands on his shoulders and gave it a little kiss. It shocked him, but he didn't say anything. His facial reaction said everything, why would I kiss his scar? Everyone else must have thought it was an atrocious scar. A mark for life but it didn't strike me at all._

" _Why would you do that?" He whispered to me._

" _I don' know." I whispered back. "I suppose, I felt like it."_

 _He almost flinched when I touched his hand with mine._

" _Promise me one thing." I said. "Promise me you'll come back."_

 _He didn't say anything, but I noticed the tears building up in his one eye._

Now, they were much older. Still young but mature. Together they had experienced war, heartbreak, breakups and heart wrenching decisions. They still found a way back to each other.

"You didn't have to." Mai said.

"But I wanted to. It is tradition and if I had free time I would go with mom and uncle." Zuko said and gave her hand a squeeze.

They joined together in a kiss which turned into another kiss and to another. He pulled her closer him and with his free hand he could touch her inner thigh. The same hand had made itself freer and was inside her robes, close to her breasts.

Their kisses got more intense but even if Mai wanted his touch on her body, she pulled his hand away from her.

"Anything wrong?" He asked her.

"No, but it's not the right time." Mai replied. Their faces were only inches away from each other and both were longing for another kiss.

"You know… Sokka and Suki are getting married." Zuko said and broke the ice that was building up between them.

"Ty Lee told me."

"Ty Lee is in the Fire Nation? I thought she was on Kyoshi Island."

"She's back home for a visit. I think she'll make it back in time for the wedding." Mai said and leaned towards Zuko.

"I have an invitation." Zuko pulled out a scroll that hidden inside his clothes. "I can bring someone with me and I thought who else but you?" Zuko said and had one arm around Mai.

She looked up to him as she had her head resting on his shoulder. "You want me to come with you?"

"Yes. It would be great to see old friends again and it would make a statement about us."

Mai smiled tenderly at him. He was the only one who could make her smile like that. She kissed him on the neck and Zuko knew it meant yes.


End file.
